If you made it to the April “Work It” Class, you already know that, once again, it was over 2 hours worth of deeply personal (but ironically, universal) and highly counterintuitive relationship AHAs.
Sarah and Laura gave us the greatest gift by allowing us to learn through their experience in the “Hot Seat” and share in the breakthroughs that came out of their transparency and willingness to see their thoughts with honesty and bravery.
Here’s a quick summary of what happened after we wrapped up our regular instructional intro to The Work:
Hot Seat #1 / started roughly 20 min. into the call: Laura facilitated while Sarah played the role of “client” – struggling with the thought that her son Aric “won’t listen to her about his choices”. She did an incredible job getting right into Inquiry and noticing when her mind preferred being in her son’s business versus “taking its own advice”.
She saw how sad she gets when she thinks this thought – and how this thought brings along with it many other heavy thoughts, behaviors, and emotions like:
“He won’t live up to his potential. I’m afraid he’s gonna wait around for life to happen to him and he’s just gonna sit in his room all day and do nothing… not explore, not live. I get mad at him because he doesn’t know how smart he is! I get short with him. Throw up my hands. Walk away. Tell him I’m disappointed.”
Sarah, thank you for being so willingly vulnerable and open. We know this wasn’t easy – and we ALL relate to your experience, even those of us who aren’t parents. We ALL struggle with staying in our own business and taking our own medicine.
Laura rocked it for her first time as facilitator, learning very quickly the importance of “sticking to the script” when asking questions. She was great about ensuring Sarah gave only very specific, genuine, real-life examples of where and how the Turnarounds to her original statement were true. And for question #3, “How do you react, what happens, when you believe the thought?”, when Sarah unknowingly slipped out of Inquiry into justification mode, Laura quickly brought her back to noticing HER behaviors, patterns, and reactions to believing the thought vs. spinning out on how and why she wants her son to change. That was huge! Really well done!
For her Living Amends, Sarah committed to catching herself in the act of giving advice to her son, even if only in her head – then taking her own advice. She also committed to listening to Aric more… hearing him, looking at his face. She reported a few days later in the AY Forum that she had indeed followed through with this. In her own words:
“I am happy to report that Aric and I have had a few wonderful moments since Wednesday. A few examples include a laughter infused dinner during which I made sure to listen not only to Aric, but the other 3 kids as well, making sure to look at them as they spoke and not interrupt, seeking out Aric to say thank you for putting a dish away without me asking, and showing interest while watching a few videos that Aric wanted to show me. Wow! I also put my clothes and dishes away (haha) and got some work done! I do have to report, though, that I noticed yesterday I started spinning thoughts about my husband and the best way for him to organize his day! ~face palm~ When I noticed what I was doing, I said to myself ‘hey, lady, stay in your own business… what are YOU doing with your time?’, as nicely as I could. It was an interesting moment when I became aware that I had shifted from being in Aric’s business to being in Rick’s… and in that moment I realized I’ve spent soooo much time, too much time, living in other people’s business – and am ready and excited to get back to mine!”
Bravo, Sarah! This is so BOSS.
Hot Seat #2 / started roughly 85 min. into the call: Sarah facilitated for Laura this time as she delved into an old, but still very painful judgment about her Dad – that “he doesn’t love her enough”. She saw that WITH the thought, she’d cry and feel like a three year old stripped of power, and it would feel impossible to function as her Adult Self. She’d slip into being a victim. She also saw that WITHOUT the thought, she’s a lot more capable of staying in her Adult Self, her self-worth is intact, and her relationships with men can improve.
Sarah helped Laura find some very powerful Turnarounds. In Inquiry, Laura’s mind showed her that her Dad DOES love her enough… enough to have sent her several emails in attempt to connect with her; enough to have driven to visit her and her kids; enough to have let her know he’s disappointed in himself; enough to have made the effort to see her twice a year since she was a child; enough to have always sent Christmas gifts to her kids despite the fact that he usually forgets that kind of thing with everyone else.
Laura’s mind also showed her that it’s MORE true that she doesn’t love HERSELF enough to put herself out there and repair the relationship with her Dad like she’s wanted to all this time.
But luckily that’s changing. She IS now choosing to love herself (and HIM) enough… enough to put herself out there; enough to make a practice out of finding all the reasons why he DOES love her enough. As part of her Living Amends, Laura agreed to respond to her Dad’s emails and also invite him to come out and visit – which she DID, and he’s coming in June! This is great news, Sarah. Way to take your power back and make it a priority to do this for YOU and your own happiness. You deserve that!
So proud of both of you, Laura and Sarah, for doing this Work! You inspire us all. Thank you again!
All the love…