When Keeping Score Actually Makes Sense

Huge aha for parents and couples who both want to get their way

by Kris Ward

Share on Pinterest

This is one of those, “Wow, so easy! Why didn’t I see that before?” moments.

Big aha! So I just had to share it. This is especially for couples and parents.

It has nothing to do with business or lifestyle design, but it also has EVERYTHING to do with them because it’s about being happy and connected in our most cherished, most intimate relationships. It’s about being on the same team with our life partner, rather than being on opposite teams because of stupid stuff – petty arguments – but also because of lurking resentment around unmet needs and unexpressed, unfulfilled desires, big and small.

When we’re not on the same team as our numero uno, EVERYTHING sucks… and everything suffers. Business included.

So here’s my aha.


I’m still breastfeeding and my son absolutely will not take a bottle at night. He also won’t go back to sleep in the middle of the night without mama. Tried it. No go.

So I literally haven’t left him for a single night for almost 17 months.

That means no girls’ trips, no weekend getaways without the little monkey.

Wouldn’t be as much of an issue if I weren’t watching my husband go on so many getaways. Climbing, business trips, see a music show, more climbing, guys’ trips, visit the fam, more climbing.

It’s not that he travels all the time – it’s less than it was before baby – it’s that his travel is spotlit because I’m NOT traveling.

I don’t want to make him stay home and give up traveling just because I’m breastfeeding. Of course I want to support him having fun. He’s so happy, well rested and so rejuvenated after his trips, we ALL benefit from him taking them.

But here’s the thing.


The mind can’t help but keep score.

(I had a little help from trusted friends to get this. Thank you friends!)

If the mind is going to keep score anyway, why not do it more explicitly and turn it into a positive?

So that’s what we did.

We agreed to let our minds keep score out in the open. That way we could own up to what was going on in our interior and manage it more strategically. Nothing hidden, festering, being stuffed down, turning into resentment (phew!).

Honesty is so downstream!

Now, even though I’m still not traveling, I have this whole list of extra “things” and privileges that I get to do and have so that things can feel a bit more balanced.

We look at this list and collaborate openly – on behalf of Team Ward! – so we can ensure that each team member’s needs and desires are being identified, expressed and met.

If the meeting of one person’s needs and desires negatively impacts the other in any way, we make up for that by ‘evening the score’ with extra perks.

So easy and so cool!

Hope this helps you as well.

Here’s to being on the SAME TEAM with our partners!





P.S. Digging into energy bottlenecks like this in our personal lives – and then resolving these bottlenecks – frees us up to be so much more joyful, clear headed and effective. If we don’t tend to this stuff, it festers, squelches our energy, leaves us on unstable footing and keeps us from manifesting the life and business we want.

This is absolutely a part of the deeply personal work we’ll do inside this year’s Secret Sauce Society. It’s for Sisters in Yoga & Business who want to join together for 9 magical months of lucrative self-realization and phenomenal business growth. If you love Yoga, heart-centered business, lifestyle design & getting REAL, you might be ‘secret sauce’ material…

Find out here:

Share on Pinterest
Kris Ward
Kris Ward is a Lifestyle Design Coach™ Trainer and the president and founder of AbundantYogi.com. She has helped to educate and inspire over 100,000 people worldwide out of painful conflict around money, self-sabotage, and inhibited self-expression into having the freedom and abundance to do what they love every day, and ...read more

Lovin' the blog posts?

Get 'em via email.

Talk back.

Leave a comment below:

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Read 6 comments

  1. IB

    Have you considered changing your font? The ‘e’ comes out looking like a ‘c’ and it is very distracting all around.

    1. KrisWard

      This is a totally new issue. Thanks so much for your feedback. We’re working on it!!

  2. Joanne Hamlin

    Yes! This really resonates with me. My daughter is almost 15 mos. and we were weaning but then she decided that that’s no bueno. Same situation with the sleep, wakes to nurse, bottle won’t do, daddy won’t do.
    While my husband doesn’t travel much, my issue is how much he sleeps! He’ll sleep in when that’s not an option for me. Besides Mother’s Day when I demanded I sleep in, I haven’t in nearly 15 mos. I have no time to exercise, no girl time without my little girl, definitely no girl getaways, no mani/pedi time. I’m losing it. My business is suffering because I feel so tapped out, like I’ve got nothing to give and, you’re right, I’ve pushed it down and not spoken up…bad news and I know it.
    Thank you for the reminder to communicate, express my needs, strive for balance. I needed that! 🙂

    1. KrisWard

      You’re so welcome! I’m so glad this helped. Get it all out there girl. XO

  3. Racheal Cook

    Oh love this idea! We’ve been through the same thing… Instead of travel it was around having fun. My hubby makes fun a priority and always fit it in but I always felt like I needed to spend my time being productive. Now he’s taken on some of what I was stressed about getting done and I get a night a week to have some extra fun. It rocks!

    1. KrisWard

      Yes… perfect!! Feels so good to have that feeling of ‘fair’.